Psalm 121:1

"I will lift my eyes to the hills-From whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth."

You Might as Well be Invisible

You might as well be invisible
because I've made you that way
Used to see your work in my life
now it's all but faded away.

I don't even call out to you
in times of hardship, anymore
you aren't a personal Santa Claus
that's not what you're for.

If I can't find my way
then I know where I'll be
lost and alone through
all eternity.

But I cannot be fake
even if I cannot be real
I won't call myself something
if I can't live up to the deal

You might as well be invisible
but I'm not sorry enough, I guess
When I get there I'll call you
and hope it's not too late to confess

09/14/06

Games

hide and seek
seek and go hide
how many times
to your face
have i lied?

bob and weave
form a story
leave out details
that are
far too gory.

image is everything
no matter
what they say
can't keep on
going this way.

on the ropes
taking a beating
with your words
yet you ignore
my pleading.

highs and lows
but without the
highs
giving it one too
many tries

forgive and forget
but i just cannot
when you hit me
again in the
very same spot

battered and bleeding
without a mark
on me
will i ever truly
be free

no escape route
four walls close in
here comes the
family is sacred
lecture again

full of platitudes
but lacking in
stability
just look at what's
become of me

rock paper scissors
i lose every time
scissors cut my
heart out
one last time

09/14/06

Can't Do This

I'm pretty sure I can't do this anymore.
Or maybe I'm just tired of the way we're living.
I'm sitting here wondering "what the hell?"
and hell is all you've been giving.

Spending my precious time
trying to stop the leak
but now the whole house is flooded
surrounding me, covering all I seek.

I lived like this growing up
and again here for far too long
no matter what I do or don't do
I'm always bound to be wrong.

I'm sure that choosing to stay
is a choice for losing what I have
of my soul, it's already withered
my joy is faded, my heart is sad

Insanity is knocking, steadily beckoning
consuming my logic, vying mightily
if I leave I might just regain
some of fragments of a fractured me.

Got to go, I have no choice
but to run and find some safety
All I know is I can't go on
the way we have here lately.

09/14/06

Drawn There

It wasn't perfect there
but I had something new
something I'd never had before
a love I didn't have to earn
a love I didn't have to earn.

Nothing required
except that I be myself
I didn't know I lacked it
until it was right in front of me
until it was right in front of me.

It was brief
and I didn't want to leave
but if I tried to stay
I'd lose myself trying to keep it.
I'd lose myself trying to keep it.

This is a family
I didn't know existed
a real love without limit
that's why I feel so drawn there
that's why I feel so drawn there.

Going back
makes me miss it that much
more when I must leave it...
in my mind I'll never leave it
in my mind I'll always keep it.


9/8/06
Home is where the love is.

Without Even Trying

Without giving it a thought-
you made me feel like crying
killed my joy
without even trying.

Doesn't take much
and that's just what you give
what a life
what a way to live.

Doesn't matter
how I feel about all of this
"Just get over it."
"Forget about it, Kris."

I don't know
if we can survive at all
thought we could
before summer turned to fall.

I'm crazy for staying
insane for wanting to go
Giving up isn't easy
this is the only life I know.

I have to think
about my responsibilities
just can't seem
to set my mind at ease.

Feel like running
but I am out of shape
I'd run a block
and fall flat on my face.

Just like the time
I wanted to run away
but I wasn't allowed
outside of the gate.

I'm standing on the sidewalk
with a paper sack in hand
only a coat in it
with my shoes full of sand.

I don't have a clue
yet so many come to me
Who am I...
to give advice so freely?

Just sitting here
I find myself crying
I may cry a river
without even trying.

9/8/2006

Another One By Robert Frost

A Peck of Gold

Dust always blowing about the town,
Except when sea-fog laid it down,
And I was one of the children told
Some of the blowing dust was gold.

All the dust the wind blew high
Appeared like god in the sunset sky,
But I was one of the children told
Some of the dust was really gold.

Such was life in the Golden Gate:
Gold dusted all we drank and ate,
And I was one of the children told,
'We all must eat our peck of gold.'