Dark in Here

I gave my heart to the Lord when I was three years old. I remember making the decision, and I was fully aware that serving God is what I wanted to do. I grew in knowledge and understanding of the Bible and matured in my faith. I was solid in my convictions and firm in my stand. Yet I didn't know everything, though I thought I did. I remember as a teen, having been a Christian for years, not understanding the thinking of a person who loved God and yet was depressed. How can we "count it all joy" and not be happy?

Then I experienced depression for myself. It came after having had my first two children just seventeen months apart. I felt myself unraveling. I was clinging to God but felt lonely, fatigued, without a lot of answers. No matter how hard I tried to focus, my thoughts were scattered. I was struggling to keep my head above water.

Since then I've realized that God has given me many a coping strategy when depression creeps in. Prayer and fellowship, of course, but one of the biggest outlets for me is writing. I can almost feel the deep loneliness lose its grip on me when I write about it.

I see things in another light now. We should not hide our struggles from others, pretending we're okay if we're not. God wants us to share with one another so that we can truly support each other. That's what the church was meant to be. The last thing we should be doing is judging our sister or brother for fighting an uphill battle.

Dark in Here

it's so dark in here
in the depths
of my mind
someone turn on a light
no!
forget that i asked
turn it off!
it hurts my eyes

so used to being in this place
where emptiness looms
a cold dark
cave
so little hope
no breathing room

take this pill
read this book
say this prayer
surround yourself
with your friends
that truly care

open up
don't shut down
don't give in
count your blessings
count the cost
here we go
again

think of all
the other folks
who are hungry
tired and cold
think of all
the ways
you've been blessed
as you grow old

this is just temporary
tomorrow
the sun will shine again
now straighten up
lift your chin
let's see that
happy grin

and while we're
at it
throwing around
platitudes
here's a bandaid
for you to conceal
that gaping wound